Now, my past few weeks have been characterized by the identity of a wait-ee and a frantic multitasker. I’ve been living in a bubble of anticipatory exhaustion while running around with hands full, because I’m the least patient human being in the world.
Things beyond my control have finally crash-landed into the second week of March. The only thing that is keeping the fallen pieces of my soul together is, if I might say, this very sound mind inside this well-functioning body.
And my emergency fuck-life ritual I have created for myself in the face of hardship throughout the years.
1. Step back from it and focus on the higher priorities – sleep!
It was always at midnight when I found myself thrown into extreme states of being like grief and exhaustion and unimaginable pain. They would sneak on me in the most unexpected way and therefore I have trained my mind to be present with whatever most urgent I have to do, knowing that I will spend time mourning, grieving, crying my eyes out later.
2. Buy me some sweets, sugar-daddying myself
Does it sound weird? I don’t care. It’s my ritual, I can name it whatever I want.
Now I can proudly present to you my number 1 comfort food. Ladies and gentleman, please meet – instant noodle! It’s cheap, it’s tasty, it’s warm. It’s like a hug but for your belly. Then I’ll walk around the supermarket, making myself busy with grocery shopping and buy me some chocolate or ice cream. Life is sweet again. At least for a moment.
3. Schedule time to feel sorry for myself
Yes, my friends, your feelings are valid and this is your own time to do whatever you want to express your emotions, your frustration, pain, disappointment in life.
Throwing books, smashing dishes, burning clothes. Immerse yourself in all of the feelings that are running through your body. Use your mind and your heart to experience it. It's how we can begin to let go.
4. Trust that it’s hard for everyone too.
I know 16-year-old Vy would just never be able to believe that life is difficult for every single one of us at a certain point in our life. But as I met different people through many years (ok 3 is not many), I have learnt that no matter how different we might be, in the end the human mind experiences the same sadness, despair or exhaustion. Especially with the emergence of vloggers – the honest, authentic ones – it became even clearer to me that no one has a perfect life. No one has it all figured out and that's soothing to know.
My favorite vloggers to watch in times of despair: Eve Cornwell
Ashley aka bestdressed
5. At the end of the day.
Someone once told me that the universe has only 3 answers for your request: 1. Yes. 2. Not Yet. 3. I have Something Better.
Looking back at all the times that life turned out the way that I did not want, I did gain something that I couldn’t even imagine that I would. My failure in the national competition fueled me to get the first gold medal in the next one back in high school. My (unexposed) unsuccessful application to exchange study gave me the whole summer to work with Unicef to come to Derby as a more confident and compassionate person. For every setback in life, I bounce back with a better version of myself in a way that I could never have imagined.
So amidst all this heaviness and weariness,
I’ll stay strong and be kind.
