Hi there,
It’s me again trying to keep my mind away from the anxiety of moving to another new country in just about 2 months’ time, which may be unexpected, at least for me. I have made a major move from Vietnam to Finland two years ago, then just recently came to study in England for an exchange term and now preparing for my internship in Hong Kong. Given all of that experience, I just kinda expect that things will be less intimidating for me. This makes me reflect on the cultural shocks I have gone through in each country I have lived in.
From Vietnam to Finland
‘Cars even stop and wait for me to cross the street.’
I guess everyone who has visited Vietnam would know about the ‘terrifying traffic experience’, especially when you have to cross the street without the help of traffic lights. No kidding, there are tons of sites making a tutorial about this, like Business Insider, it’s an art. So spending 18 years waiting for cars to drive by when they’re coming is just a natural behavior for me, even when I arrived in Finland. Whenever I saw a car coming, I waited for it to drive by but then the driver actually stopped and waved to me, basically signalling that they give way to me and I should just GO.
‘Teachers joined with students on the disco which was so cool.’
At the time I was well aware that Finnish society has very flat structure and low power distance according to Hofstede Insight Compare Country result. It was my second year and our university traditionally had this Awards Ceremony for second year students in IB degree program as a way to encourage those with impressive development. Our ceremony was organized as on a cruise trip to Estonia which was epic. Everyone dressed up and gave speech (willingly or not he he) when awarded, then we moved on to a fancy buffet on boat and next to the club dance floor. Our teachers even spent some time with us in the club, chatting about favorite books and movies and joined the students on the dance floor which no way could happen in Vietnam. In fact, the presence of higher authority could just easily spoil the fun for all the juniors. It’s not that I’m complaining or criticizing one country over another. It’s just the difference I had observed and experienced and definitely enjoyed!
Back to Vietnam
‘Why are you standing so close to me? And talking so loud?’
It was summer 2017 when I visited Vietnam after first year at university and experienced what they call reverse cultural shocks. Basically when you’re living in a different country for a long period of time and get used to the ways of life there, you find your home country unfamiliar upon retur
n. The exact thing happened to me. As I stepped out of the airport, I was immediately overwhelmed by the crowdedness and hot weather and the noise there. I was so used to the very well-known concept of ‘personal space’ in Finland that it almost made me feel uncomfortable when someone stood too close to me in a store or sat right next to me on a bus.
‘Sorry that I didn’t address you accordingly’
I was enjoying the 'low power distance' and simple addressing in Finland so much that I almost forgot that I would need to address people with the right titles back in Vietnam. This means I would need to consider their gender, their age, their status and their relationship to my family before when speaking to them so that I won’t be disrespectful. Again, it's just the way people communicate can be vastly different from place to place. And believe me, after 1 year without having to figure out the ‘how should I address this person’ question, I’m just no good at the game. It’s as much a skill as crossing the street, which would fade away when you don’t use much.
From Finland to UK
‘Oh you didn’t mean how I am actually doing’
As I have experienced and compared communication style between Vietnam and Finland during my Cross-cultural communication course, I have come to the realization that Finns has a low-context communication (as in Hall and Hall model) in that people say what they mean and mean what they say while Vietnam has a high-context culture, where you have to read between the lines to really understand what people are actually saying. UK, according to the Hofstede Insight model, is also quite implicit regarding communication. That brings me to the story I’m about to tell.
When I first arrived in UK, everyone asked me ‘Are you alright?’ or ‘Are you okay?’ and I literally thought about I was feeling before automatically verbally vomitting ‘yeah not really today I blah blah blah’. Until I saw their confusion or indifference on their face, I realized that they were not asking how my day was, but what they were trying to say was ‘I’m trying to be polite and friendly by greeting you this way’. Then I finally learnt to produce a standard suitable answer ‘Alright how about you?’.
‘I’m sorry can you say it again.’ (with less strong accent I mean TT)
As an international student studying in English for two years in Finland, I’m actually very confident of my English. Yet coming to England, everyone I meet or every place I go seems to have a different accent. Sometimes it’s just a slight variation, sometimes it sounds like a totally different language to me. Then I have to ask them to repeat it again and again which is embarrassing for both of us. As I spoke with my colleague at my volunteer place, she also faced the same problem as she came from Northern Ireland and people couldn’t understand her accent and she didn’t understand theirs either.
So, what now?
Much as my love for new adventures and stimulating challenges, I still sometimes find myself filled with fear and anxiety before every journey. I don’t know about the people who get all excited and just grab their things and go. I’m drawn to the idea of it, definitely, but sometimes can’t help feeling intimidated by that ‘uncomfort zone’ I’m putting myself in. There is always something that’s gonna throw me off wherever I go, no matter how much experience living abroad I’ve had. There is one quote I read that just perfectly summarized my situation at the moment:
I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.
Despite all the discomfort at the first place, it’s the new things that I’m gonna learn, new people I’m gonna meet, different cultures I’m gonna experience that urge me to embark on my next adventures.
If you’re experiencing anxiety and worry before moving to a different country, or just trying something new or stepping out of your comfort zone, that’s totally normal. The very thing that intimidates you sometimes also excites you. The very thing that makes you feel uncomfortable sometimes also grows you.
And I’m ready to grow. Always.
You are too.
Stay strong and be kind,
Vy.
