OK. I know I talk or to be more exact, write a lot about getting out of your comfort zone and embrace whatever changes in your life. And I did walk the walk. In two years, I moved my apartment for at least 5 times around Finland and I made my way from Vietnam to Finland, then from Finland to England, and then from England to Hong Kong (which I’m still anxiously waiting for the visa permit). Surely there are tons of changes involved in that process, from obvious things like languages, weather and food to subtler things like cultures. It’s a great experience blah blah blah (or that’s what me in other blog posts is rambling to you). But here’s the exposed truth: I suck at changes. Yet, I do it a lot.
So, how do I realize that I suck at coping with changes? I’m glad you’ve asked. I was not aware of this fact until I arrived in England, the point in my life when I thought I’m pretty accustomed to change. But I still remember vividly my first two weeks how awful I felt about leaving my little nest I had created for myself in Finland over the last summer months. I couldn’t stop thinking about the happy times that I’ve had in Tampere, the beautiful summer parks and the aesthetic sunsets. At the same time, I was extremely nervous about my new life in Derby. I was really overwhelmed by how big the university is compared to what I had experienced in Finland and how professional the staff was. I was feeling like that socially awkward kid (like I’ve always been but managed to hide that away somehow :V) in their first day at university, even though I am in my third year of my degree now. I know now looking back, it does not make much sense to be THAT worried or feel THAT bad but hey hoh, that’s me. I was even not confident of my English in my PR class when we were supposed to write a press release. So to sum it up, my first two weeks in Derby, there was a lot of anxiety and sleeplessness.
But that’s also when I started realizing a ‘pattern’ in my reactive behaviors to change: I become so anxious that sometimes the anxiety gets the better of me. Case in point, my first two weeks at my summer job: I was deeply anxious of not being able to pull it off and then I will be a shame to my family and my friends will laugh at me for this stupidity (FYI, this was my anxiety talking). Second case in point: when I moved in a new apartment with a friend, I was all like ‘I wish I could go back to my little bedroom where everything is so familiar and into my daily routine’ and was very cranky and moody.
OK. That’s enough of exposing my inner darker self. The point is, me and change, we are not on friendly terms. As now I have to say goodbyes to my dear friends and colleagues who I have got close to during my time in Derby, it makes me feel sad and again, I couldn’t help but wish that I had more time to stay. But that does not prevent me from going to a new place, taking a new job and meeting new people. Why? Because you don’t have to like changes in order to feel great about them. It’s the transformation you experience along the journey of change that is wonderful. For me, I have learnt that it will take me a while before I completely feel comfortable in a new environment and that I fall into a routine quickly. Self-knowledge is the first step into the wisdom, said Socrates and it cannot be further from the truth.
It’s almost the end of the year now, so if you’re old-fashioned like I am, when you are writing down resolutions for 2019, how about a first date with change? Who knows, you might or might not like it, but you’ll learn a whole lot more. And life for that, is forever an exciting journey.
My very best wishes,
Vy.
P.s: I love listening to this song whenever I'm feeling upset about leaving a place so close to my heart. It always reminds me that 'If you do it right you'll love where you are'. Hope you'll enjoy it too!
