Since the beginning of 2020, I got a lot more reading done (6 books) than the latter half of 2019. This came from picking the right books that added tremendous value to my personal and professional life, and somewhere in between.
Plot twist: one of the books is about building habits, which I use to build and reinforce my reading habit this year ;).
I shortlisted them down to top 3.
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1. Atomic Habits (James Clear)
A brief summary
Not another mediocre book about self-help and effective habits to fast-track your success. The author makes an effort to give an overview of habits in a very word-efficient manner. After making a convincing case about the compounding effects of habits, he moves on to break down the habit building process: (1) break your bad habits (2) build habits around your identity (3) use your environment to create habits (4) just show up & never interrupt it unnecessarily. There is also an additional part where the downsides of habits are also outlined with corresponding solutions.
My favorite quotes
"If you can get better 1 percent better everyday for one year, you'll end up thirty seven times better by the time you are done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you'll decline nearly down to zero."
"It doesn't matter how successful or unsuccessful you are right now. What matters is whether your habits are putting you on the path toward success. You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results."
"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."
"The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner."
"If nothing changes, nothing is going to change."
"Be the designer of your world and not merely the consumer of it."
"In the long run, we become a product of the environment that we live in."
"Our environment determines the suitability of our genes and utility of our natural talents. In short: genes do not determine your destiny. They determine your areas of opportunity."
"Anyone can work hard when they feel motivated. It's the ability to keep going when work isn't exciting that makes the difference."
"You can't repeat the same things blindly and expect to become exceptional."
How I apply it
Work proficiency: It's a good execution guide that does not only applies to your personal development but also professional growth. If I want to getter at experimentation, my daily tasks and activities should reflect that. As said, Habits + Deliberate practice = Mastery.
Gain clarity: It's always easy to binge-watching Netflix all weekends when I've had a hard week. But the question "What are my current habits leading me to?" from the book always motivates me to pick myself up to an outdoor run/ 5-min meditation.
Make it enjoyable: I use the advice from What we talk about when we talk about running (Haruki Murakami) to break goals into small habits and stop right when I feel like going. That's how I keep going back to writing/ reading/ working the next day and truly enjoy it.
👈Best used with an app called Habit for habit tracking.
The writing itself
Always trying to be better at writing, I always notice writing that delivers its key message effortlessly and eloquently, while maintaining the integrity of its science. This is one of the few popular science books that does the job very well. The anecdotes are given at the right time, with just enough factual, objective details while highlighting its contextual relevancy. I mean, you all can take a look at James Clear's website to see for yourself. His sentence construction and word choice is very digestible while impactful. I'd highly recommend this one to anyone.
2. The defining decade: Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now (Meg Jay)
A brief summary
In this book, the author - a licensed therapist - presents a cohort of common issues (self-identity, relationship, work) faced by twentysomethings in the millennial era through her clients' stories of struggle, and how to come through them. With a transition from school to work, relationship to marriage, there are a lot of adulthood things that twentysomethings have wrong assumptions about.
My favorite quotes
"We are not born all at one, but by bits."
"Our strong ties feel comfortable and familiar but other than support, they may have too little to offer. They are usually too similar - even too similarly stuck - to provide more than sympathy."
"Goals direct us from the inside, but shoulds are paralyzing judgments from the outside. Goals feel like authentic dreams while shoulds feel like oppressive obligations."
"An adult life is built not out of eating, praying, and loving but out of person, place, and thing: who we are with, where we live, and what we do for a living."
"Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward." (Soren Kierkegaard).
"We become what we hear and see and do everyday. We don't become what we don't hear and see and do everyday."
"Twentysomethings who don't feel anxious and incompetent at work are usually overconfident or underemployed."
"The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook."
"Knowing you want to do something isn't the same as knowing how to do it, and even knowing how to do something isn't the same as actually doing it well."
"There was a difference between having a feeling and acting on it."
"Adulthood is sort of like that. There are things that just are what they are. The smartest thing to do is know as much about them as you can."
"There is no formula for a good life, and there is no right or wrong life. But there are choices and consequences, so it seems only fair that twentysomethings know about the ones that lie ahead."
"The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You are deciding your life right now."
How I apply it
The loose circle concept: how people you barely know are more likely to be more helpful to you, as you'll learn something new from them.
Understanding the impact of "shoulds" on myself and others: we are right at where we're supposed to be, and that's what we can work with. Don't should on anybody including yourself.
Cope with my work anxiety: It's okay to not know something - how else can you learn more?
The writing itself
To be honest, it was difficult for me to work through the beginning pages, mostly because of my resistance to a new topic and a new plain, objective, semi-formal writing style. But after I got used to the writing, I got immediately hooked by the stories of other youngsters' and Meg Jay's easy-to-understand explanations as well as her concrete, actionable advice to "grow up".
3. Daring Greatly (Brene Brown)
A brief summary
This book is a result of the research question "What makes people live a whole-hearted, authentic life?". Brene Brown shares with us the personal truths she collect from people (including hers) about what vulnerability feels like (uncomfortable & scary), sounds like (unknown, uncertainty, rejection) in everyday life. It comes down to one thing: We are afraid that if we let ourselves be wholly, truly seen, people won't love and respect us.
My favorite quotes
"No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."
"What we know matters, but who we are matters more."
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weaknesses."
"We're afraid that our truth isn't enough - that what we have to offer isn't enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing. Here's the crux of the struggle:
- I want to experience your vulnerability but I don't want to be vulnerable.
- Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.
- I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine."
"Unless we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart."
"We are hard on others because we're hard on ourselves."
"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval. It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judment, and shame."
"When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity."
"Are we paying attention? Thinking through our choices? Open to learning and being wrong? Curious and willing to ask questions?"
"I know I'm ready to give feedback when:
I'm ready to sit next to you rather than across from you;
I'm willing to put the problems in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it towards you)"
How I apply it
"Vulnerability. Vulnerability. Vulnerability" - this is a chant Brene used whenever she was feeling anxious or afraid. Too familiar with midnight rumination, anxiety and performance stress, I've found this chant helpful in recognizing my emotional state (I am afraid of...) before the fight or flight kicks in.
The analogy of the marble jar is great in explaining what it means to be daring greatly: when somebody hurts you, you take one marble out of your trust account, but you don't destroy the whole thing - you are still able to trust someone who is trustworthy, instead of shielding yourself from everyone.
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There you have it, my top 3 favorite books by March 2020. In this time of the Corona epidemic, it's easy to panic and feel very anxious all the time. And social distancing might be a real struggle (including myself - I seriously need to go out of the house at least once a week to feel sane). I hope this list gives you some inspiration/ motivation to connect more authentically, calm your anxieties and work on your daily, enjoyable habits.
Like anything else, this too shall pass.
Meanwhile, stay strong (healthy) & be kind ❤️
