“I feel so unqualified” – said one of my colleagues during lunch.
Immediately, I related so much with her. Just a while ago, I also had this nagging voice telling me that I’m not experienced enough or my English isn’t “native” enough.
Granted, we are both very new at our jobs, but it wasn’t – or shouldn’t – so much about qualifications.
It’s about that inner voice that tells us tales and stories.
How I kept “disqualifying” myself
English as a foreign speaker
During my 3 high-school years, the English language became a central part of my academic background, with a bunch of local and national competitions. Paraphrasing, word choice exercises, proficiency-level reading (C2) are all familiar study activities to me.
Needless to say, I’m more confident of my English skills than any other skills. The notion of English as a foreign speaker – versus English as a native speaker, has never concerned me. I mean, if I were to say something in English, people would ultimately understand what I was trying to get at.
But things started to change when I came to the UK for a short-term exchange.
I psyched myself out in the PR and Communication class over the fact that my English is not “native”. Very often, I felt almost paranoid about being this idiot in class who doesn’t know how to use English properly (with British accent). I passed the term papers with satisfactory results, in the end.
But then again, I did the same thing all over again when I started my Communications internship in Hong Kong. With every writing task, I questioned my ability to create perfect English content, feeling like I’m the most unqualified person in the room – just because I don’t grow up in an English-speaking country.
My capabilitites in relation to others‘
And even now, as I’m getting more involved with content creation and blogging, personally and professionally, I’m excited to discover great content creators, but also can’t help feeling more nervous. And insecure, admitedly.
My logical self knows that it doesn’t make sense. That it’s even ridiculous.
I mean, other people’s capabilities shouldn’t affect my capabilities. But somehow it’d feel that way. If the other person in the room is smarter than I am, then I am the stupid one.
So much of it is the by-product of the education system, or the specific eduation I had in my formative years. As students, we were all tallied up against a certain standard of academic performance. And if we do not reach it, we’re “failures”, “disappointment” or “bad-grade students”.
But you know what, there’s no grading system in real life.
So we go into the actual world still looking for that “A grade” or that “honor degree certificate” to boost our self-esteem and and self-worth. When we can’t find it, we struggle to redefine our strengths and drag ourselves down whenever we see someone who’s “better”.
Us as beginners in something
I mentioned it before, both me and my colleague are quite new at our jobs. So there’s a lot of learning about the industry, the skills and the tech required.
Now looking back, it’s so obvious that learning is indispensable in any growth process, and any new role.
The world is moving at such a fast pace regardless of your experience, you’d have to always be learning to keep up. Plus, each industry and company is slightly different. It goes without saying that at the beginning, we’re are – well, beginners.
When I first started writing, I cringed at my articles and felt very uncomfortable with the editor or my editing-self. Or when I dabbled in video animation or vlogging, I almost didn’t want to press “Publish”.
It’s so uncomfortable to put ourselves in that position – dummies. Putting yourself out there and coming to terms with the fact that you know very little about something is hard.
We are used to being rewarded for having the right answers, not for following challenging questions. But the thing is only with curiosity and openess that we can expand our knowledge and acquire more wisdom.
So we’re stuck in this loop forever.
Well, not forever.
Overcome that inner voice
Be mindful of what you’re telling yourself
The first step to really catch your critcal self before it takes you on that train of obsessive thoughts. So often, we are so overwhelmed with the external stimulation that we don’t realize how we talk to ourselves – kindly or cruelly, gently or agressively.
A while ago, I realized I was the only one who told me repeatedly and agressively that I’m not beautiful enough.
And so, maybe it was our boss, our spouse or our colleague who created a bit of tension. But at the end of the day, we internalized those fears and anxieties and trapped ourselves into it every single time.
Here are a few suggestions on what you can do to practice mindfulness:
Headspace is my all-time favorite meditation app. Their app UX and UI are amazing. The way they break down the concepts in meditation and guide us in practice is easy to follow and simple to understand. I had paid subscription since 2018 – one of my best decisions. But you can learn and practice a lot only with a free plan.
Journaling – write down your thoughts without overthinking or judging them. You can do this digitally or with pen and paper. There are no rules to follow. Imagine that’s your vomit pit – disgusting but, well never mind. Over time, as I was able to trace back to my mind at a certain period in the past, it gave me incredible insights into how I used a lot of phrases “I know…but…” to suppress my emotions – the I feel.
Voice recording – if you’re not really into writing. This is actually how I get to listen to myself, literally and figuratively. At times when I felt like my writing speed won’t keep up with the thought process, then I walked into the forests or along side a lake, and started recording my self-talk. Right after, I listened to that voice memo and realized how much of the anxiety / frustration is actual stress and how much is indicator about my personal needs (more space, more social life, more sleep, etc)
Running / exercise: 10 minutes into your exercise / running session and you won’t be distracted by your chaotic thoughts anymore. It is such a wonderful mind space to be in. That focus on your breath alsp makes it a very meditative experience.
Thanking your inner critic
This might sound so absurb, but it works along the line with the meditation principles. Don’t judge your feelings and thoughts. Whatever you feel is whatever you feel. Let it be.
But they don’t define who you are, and shouldn’t dictate your behaviors.
That debate about positive thinking – whether or not if it’s benefical – boils down to the fact that you need to acknowledge and respect your emotions first, before building that positivity muscle.
Denying fears and putting on a happy, cheerful face isn’t gonna work.
So say it, thank your inner critic for caring for you and being concerned about you. Expressing understanding that he/she is there, only because they wanted you to have the best in life. Very gently, acknowledge their existence, and move on.
Replace limiting beliefs with a growth mindset
A lot of the self-development theories sound the same to me.
Growth mindset vs fixed mindset. The abundance mindset vs the scarcity mindset. The half full vs the half empty.
But the actual transformation starts from recognizing the latter mindset, and knowing what to do about it. So you have to identify your limiting beliefs and assumptions.
Make a list of your fears and anxiety/ worries
For every item, add a reason Why
Visualize the worst scenarios, and what you would do
Come back and assess how rational or irrational your anxiety/ fears are
Finally, think about what you can do now
For my fear that my English isn’t good enough, I understand that it’s because I always want to craft the most compelling content for my audience. It’s almost a professional and artistic ambition.
But is it rational? Probably not. A major percentage of the world’s population use English as a second language. And even the reading level of native speakers are around grade 4 or 5.
Now holding on to that belief – that migh be true or not, doesn’t do me any good. Instead, I focus on what I can do now – practicing, practicing and practicing. Maybe a little more courage to press “Publish” or “Share”.
And the greatest thing is, nobody could qualify me for that.
That same thing I would tell my feeling-unqualified-friends out there: Whatever you want, you don’t need qualifications for it. Take action, keep learning, and soon you’ll get there.
